Sometimes, circumstances throw me into song. This week, it was an oldie but a goodie... Needles & Pins. Everything seemed to be going as planned. I approached a room with white walls, it was sterile and cold. The bed was situated in the middle of the room and the mood felt dreary and uninviting.
My eyes focused on a tray layered with six syringes. I knew they were for me. I layed down, closed my eyes and began singing the tune in my head, Needles & Pins. I imagined myself laying on a beach being warmed by sunny skies with palm trees gently blowing in the wind. It was peaceful. At least until I felt the cold gel on my neck. The ultrasound had begun and the search for tumors became my new resort of sorts. When I opened my eyes, the room was empty.
I saw my doctor in the distance talking with the ultrasound technician. She said, 'We can't find the tumors,' Huh? No tumors? My first thought was... Is this a sick joke? Truth is, I wasn't too terribly disappointed. For a split second, I felt like the lucky recipient of a miracle. That is, until the doctor explained it away by saying the first ultrasound was probably faulty. Faulty? Is that possible? What kind of Voodoo medicine is this?
A gnawing feeling overcame me. My gut said I wasn't imagining this. I knew I had lumps in my neck... they were obvious. So, how could this doctor explain them away? I needed a third opinion, and off I went to my primary care physician. When I relayed the details to him, he was stunned. He ordered another ultrasound. And sadly, as my tumors reappeared, my brief encounter with a miracle disappeared.
I've never been a fan of magical disappearing acts, and I've kind of outgrown the game of Hide and Seek. Perhaps there's a lesson to be learned here, but I'm not exactly sure what it is... yet. My hour of reckoning with the all-too-familiar ultrasound machine is quickly approaching, and I'm hopeful this time my biopsy will go off without a hitch stitch ;-) In the meantime, it's Needles & Pins.
*** UPDATE *** The biopsy went well today... painful... but well. Happy that part is over... now we wait. Thanks for your thoughts and prayers everyone... you warm my heart and soul ;-)