Packin' A Mighty One-Two Punch... I'm not much of a boxing fan. Watching someone get their lights punched out doesn't make my heart skip a beat. Although, I grew up in an explosive environment which taught this feisty girl the value of packin' a mighty one-two punch. Today, the pink gloves are coming out of retirement for a different reason.
Round 1 - Seeking to be Understood. Recently, I went a few rounds with a fellow Realtor (someone I really like and highly respect). After a few mince words and layers of misunderstanding, I violated my 24-Hour Rule and fired off an email to the Agent in frustration. Apparently, my tone was received in the form of a low blow and things got a little heated in the ring. Fortunately, the other Realtor exercised some toe-to-toe diplomacy and very gently pointed out the error of my ways while I listened with an open mind.
Round 2 - Seeking to Understand. It's quite common for salespeople to yak their lips and sink a few ships in their quest to be understood. A 'real professional' spends less time yakking and more time practicing the fine art of listening. In a recent featured post, For Whom the Realtor Toils, Brian L. Sirota, Esq. offers a bona fide refresher course in Seeking to Understand. As Brian so eloquently highlights... 'The walk of integrity is rarely served by walking out; it's served by earning the trust expected of a fiduciary.' And how do we earn trust? We listen. We ask questions. We seek to understand. (Feisty Girl's Note... Sometimes we hug). And so the quest for understanding begins.
Round 3 - Pounding Heads Can Make You Crazy. Naturally, there are times when many of us feel like taking out our frustration by pounding something. This crazy market has dealt some heavy blows, causing us to hang out on the ropes acting like a bully. I don't know about you, but some days it seems easier to throw in the towel and run from the ring, rather than hang around and take a few more blows. What's a girl with pink boxing gloves to do?
Round 4 - Going the distance. Sometimes its necessary to throw a one-two punch in the middle of a round. In baseball, it's called a Change-up. In basketball, it's called a 3-Point Shot. In spiritual environments, it's called a 'Come to Jesus.' When the going gets tough... the tough find a neutral corner to regroup, re-evaluate and re-energize, seeking fresh and viable alternate solutions. While it may be tempting to come out of the corner with dukes up... swinging, it's certainly not the best or only choice to resolve a difficult conflict. Seeking to understand packs a mightier punch than seeking to be understood. And when that happens... it's likely the pink gloves will come off for good and both sides can claim a win!
Good one Melinda. One of the best books I've ever read (in terms of communication) is Daniel Goleman's book about Emotional Intelligence. I gave a copy to each of my children - the information is that important. Basically teaches us how to keep others in their "safety" zone, which helps facilitate useful and productive conversation.
In my other (radio) life, I had the opportunity to interview Gerry Spence, the famous trial lawyer. He was promoting his latest book about arguing. His premise - the perceived loser is generally the winner of most arguments. Pretty powerful words from a man who made his living arguing.
I always appreciate your willingness to share your vulnerabilities. (Naked Blogger that you are) That's a lovely and lovable quality. :)
Another feature-worthy post, my friend. I love the idea of the 24 Hour Rule. I wrote a post this morning about Feedback, and this is an area that I often want to violate the 24 Hour Rule . . . I often want to shoot back an email and ask them if they forgot to take their meds this morning. But like the ladies on your front porch this week, responding with your immediate response is not the better part of valor. Wonderful post, lovely lady.
Debb ~ When I lived in LA, I believe Gerry Spence lived in Santa Barbara and had a radio show (or was interviewed a lot on radio... not sure which). I loved listening to him and valued his opinions! Haven't read Daniel's book, but now you've sparked my curiosity. Thanks for sharing the Raw & Real Sweet Lady ~ The Naked Blogger
Mimi ~ Perhaps there's a feisty girl locked up deep inside each one of us. I know how you feel Sweetie... and I do believe this market is serving up more blows than necessary... which tends to heighten our frustration levels even more. Consider it target practice for honing our skills... when the market does turn, we'll be coming out the ring dancing to a beat of a different drum.
I've never heard of the 24 hour rule. What a great way to cool off and not say things you regret later. I've suggested your blog.
Awww... the 24-Hour Rule. I love it and have lived by it most of my life... except for the email I fired off to the agent ;) Thanks for stopping by Linda... and I especially appreciate your Suggest vote.
(Screeetch!) Hold the presses! Pink boxing gloves? That ain't right!
Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee! ~Muhammad Ali (See update comment, client gets stung at Melinda's office) Busted... You Know What You Did!
I dig round 4. Everyone else will too!
Mel, thanks for the kind reference to my blog. Brian
Oh Brian, you are too much! Been there... and commented on that! ROTFLMAO! Thanks for the inspiration and your toe-to-toe diplomacy. And like Muhammad Ali... you're quite the dancer in the ring ;-)
Putting up your dukes is never a good idea when dealing with most everyday problems. Some people just naturally do it all the time and they must have a lot of strife in their lives. I love this line:
Seeking to understand packs a mightier punch than seeking to be understood.
Thanks for stopping by again Margaret and thanks for your lovely comment! Ditto!
I hate when I find myself toe to toe. Somes we all do find ourselves there I suppose. I'm quick to forgive, but I never forget. And I always apologize if I "go there" even when I still think in my heart I have the "right" position on the matter.
Very good analogy Melinda, and when does it seem that entering into a contract is like getting into the ring. The 24-hour rule is a good one, and remember . . . no hitting below the belt (I wish the other side would remember that one too!)
Melinda, Great post AGAIN!
Let cooler heads prevail! The heat of the moment has ruined a lot of things, professional and personal. I hate to be the one saying 'shoulda woulda, coulda' at the end of the day.
Love this Tammy... 'And I always apologize if I "go there" even when I still think in my heart I have the "right" position on the matter.' Ditto my friend!
Carla ~ I try never to take cheap shots... but I do have some fun with the punches sometimes ;) You are one feisty girl too... I can tell.
I have a 24 hour letter on my desk right now that has actually been there for almost 48 hours. I'm almost ready to make that phone call :) Breathing exercises help too ...
'Let cooler heads prevail!' Love it Charles... and it's best not to have regrets at the end of the day ;) Thank you for the compliment my friend!
Awww Cynthia... you are one smart chicky for sure! My 24-Hour Rule has often worked itself into 48 & 72 hours. The rule is... if I feel just as passionate about it after waiting... I hit the send button or lick the envelope ;)
Melinda,
This is an outstanding post, and I am suggesting. Thanks for writing this. It is perfect. A
Thank you kindly Alexandra... coming from you, that packs a mighty punch!
Hi Melinda, there is a lesson there that we can all learn from and take to heart not just in our negotiating but at home too. great post, hit the suggest, thanks for your thoughts.
Melinda - being in it to the bell, pink gloves or not, notwithstanding who started it ~ powerful stuff, powerful thoughts, great analogy. Keeping distance also helps. ;-}
Melinda, It takes a lot to get my hackles up but am willing to 'fight the fight' if necessary and I'm glad to have a broker who will back me up as well! Thank you for the analogy, it hits home!
Love a good boxing analogy. As a Short Sale Agent, I've had my fair share of boxing analogy posts as well.
Thanks John ~ Seeking to understand works in every situation... even at home ;-) And a very special thanks for the suggest!
Larry ~ Thanks for your comments!
If you ever need to borrow my pink gloves, you let me know Wanda!
Chris Ann ~ No doubt you've probably gone a few rounds with the banks!
Mel - great analogy to boxing! Missing you sweetie - hope your busy having a great summer!
Mel--I tried to read this several nites ago, and got caught up in a phone call and well, that darned LIFE got in the way!
You have such a gift for writing, with all of the flavors. I really REALLY enjoy your posts. And you MUST be busy,girl!
I'm catching up late in the evening, too...life does that sometimes.
I'm hoping it's because you are making lots of money that you have gone from my life for a while, but I wanted you to know that someone misses you :) Hope you are well . . .
Seeking to understand packs a mightier punch than seeking to be understood.- this is a great quote Mel
Thanks Kristine... busy playing ;-)
Ha Gayle... busy playing ;-)
Funny Mimi... busy playing ;-)
Glad you liked it Krista!
Thanks for posting this Mel. Those are some nice pink boxing gloves. I really like the 24 hr rule on responding when you are really heated. That makes a lot of sense and I think I will try that. Understanding and listening also are so extremely important I will have to read those books, but I think I will punch something first.
Mel, perfect post for me today...I just went through something similar this very day except I don't respect the other agent all that much. Unfortunately my issues haven't been resolved yet. Anyway, this and your following post are both feature worthy in my opinion.
Thank you kindly Alan! And a very warm welcome to Active Rain! Now that you've been in the ring... feel free to dance around a bit and enjoy the punch. There's much to be learned from the Spirit of Friends here ;-)
Hi Nick ~ I'm sorry to hear someone is pissing in your cheerios :( There's always something to be learned from it my friend. Seek to understand and claim the win! I appreciate the suggest too... a very kind thank-you!
Melissa, in my opinion, this is a winning post for all to read and that's why I'm suggesting it to the Staff at AR for more to see. You're creativity is truly appreciated. I love the way you think and how you express yourself. In this business, it's easy to see who is the real deal, and you my dear, are the real deal!
Well, you are certainly a sweetie Patricia! And the feeling is mutual my dear ;-)